Saturday, November 03, 2007

Triumphant Melancholy

Today I cleaned out the kitchen. One big pantry, the coat/junk closet and the counter have been organized and in some cases cleared - the TRIUMPANT.

As timing would have it TDH was in town and so I called him to collect his stuff and the transition from 'our kitchen' to 'my kitchen' was complete - the MELANCHOLY. You might wonder after 11 years of marriage how I know whose was whose. General rule of thumb: if it is from the 60's or 70's and should have been thrown out/replaced YEARS ago... then it is his.

A good and trusted friend of mine who has been through this in a far more intense way than I am going through told me that the phrase 'triumphant melancholy' is appropriate; and I should be prepared to use it often. Each success at moving on is also a reminder that life is not even close to how I imagined it would be.

I thought I was okay at first, but now I can tell from my weariness and other signs that I am not so okay. I will be, just not right this second. And that's okay. I guess.

This is starting to feel more and more like my reality and that is a positive step. I am now in month 4 of taking care of all finances and we are in a good place, not great but good and that feels good. I am using the entire master bedroom closet and I now sleep in the middle of the bed (okay, I have to REMIND myself to do that, but still I am doing it). And yesterday at the grocery store (a job I HATE and before 4 months ago haven't had to do in 11 years!) I had my list and my coupons and I was in and out in less than an hour and felt like I looked like I knew what I was doing.


All positive TRIUMPHANT steps in the right direction - 1 foot in front of the other, 1 breathe at a time, "just keep swimming, just keep swimming" and of course ... row.

22 comments:

Songbird said...

]*

Michele R said...

Go Dory!

Towanda said...

*[

reverendmother said...

Coupons too, eh...

You're my hero.

will smama said...

Coupons, I know! In my mind they justify paying for the Domestic Goddess even though in reality the savings from the former come no where near the cost of the latter.

revrosa said...

I'm glad you are finding ways to justify the Domestic Goddess. And I really like the term "triumphant melancholy." ]*

more cows than people said...

(o)

Teri said...

have I ever mentioned before how amazing I find you? If not, consider yourself informed. You're amazing.

cheesehead said...

What Teri said.

]*

Cathy said...

you ARE amazing. So much of what you say are deja vu moments for me.

Wyldth1ng said...

You are in my thoughts, good luck.

Sue said...

I too hate the grocery shopping. I so get where you're at with that one.

You are amazing indeed WS. Keep rowing...

]*

will smama said...

Thank you all. I sure don't feel amazing. I think it is just doing what you have to do.

Althea N. Agape said...

This feels like my reality...

That's good. Progress is progress. Progress through a briar patch is painful, but still progress.

BTW, I'd like to get rid of my husband's 15+ year old stuff that should be thrown out, but he's still here to defend them.... Maybe he won't notice :)

Rainbow Pastor said...

(o)

Teri's right, you know.

Shawna Renee said...

will smama, I don't comment often, but I want you to know that I'm praying for you. Keep swimming.

Magdalene6127 said...

So hard. Keep breathing, and we'll keep praying.

St. Casserole said...

yep

Presbyterian Gal said...

I LOVE that song that Dory sings.

I once wrote an exegesis on "Row Row Row Your Boat" and how it is a profound instruction on how we should live each and every day.

(Just checking in to see how you are, say HEY HOWDY and wish you very well)

Kathryn said...

]*

esperanza said...

And I ditto all that stuff, and say that I think you're swimming extremely well, and rowing too.

I think I saw you at the grocery store--I thought to myself, "wow, I wish I could grocery shop like that women. She's a pro." Instead of wandering aimlessly trying to remember what's on my list that is sitting on the kitchen counter...

Gord said...

esperanza, I thought that the lists were meant to be left at home...you mean some people actually take them shopping?

WS,
I think "triumphant melancholy" is a perfect phrasing. All the small victories count after all. ANd sometimes remember to just float along for awhile--no need to always row or swim.