Today I cleaned out the kitchen. One big pantry, the coat/junk closet and the counter have been organized and in some cases cleared - the TRIUMPANT.
As timing would have it TDH was in town and so I called him to collect his stuff and the transition from 'our kitchen' to 'my kitchen' was complete - the MELANCHOLY. You might wonder after 11 years of marriage how I know whose was whose. General rule of thumb: if it is from the 60's or 70's and should have been thrown out/replaced YEARS ago... then it is his.
A good and trusted friend of mine who has been through this in a far more intense way than I am going through told me that the phrase 'triumphant melancholy' is appropriate; and I should be prepared to use it often. Each success at moving on is also a reminder that life is not even close to how I imagined it would be.
I thought I was okay at first, but now I can tell from my weariness and other signs that I am not so okay. I will be, just not right this second. And that's okay. I guess.
This is starting to feel more and more like my reality and that is a positive step. I am now in month 4 of taking care of all finances and we are in a good place, not great but good and that feels good. I am using the entire master bedroom closet and I now sleep in the middle of the bed (okay, I have to REMIND myself to do that, but still I am doing it). And yesterday at the grocery store (a job I HATE and before 4 months ago haven't had to do in 11 years!) I had my list and my coupons and I was in and out in less than an hour and felt like I looked like I knew what I was doing.