Tuesday, October 09, 2007

No Contest



In discussing the schedule for last Tuesday I mentioned that I had a counseling session on Wednesday and would then know which was more therapeutic. There is no contest - it was the tattoo.

Wednesday's counseling visit was very disconcerting - too much focus on the practical and not enough on the emotional. I need in a counselor someone who will push me emotionally, not someone who pushes me to talk about how okay I am, and how okay I eventually will be. The latter is ALL I do.

Then there is this - the counselor asked me if I ever thought about how these three random things have all come into my life (loss of finger, loss of child, loss of husband). What do I do with that?

Ummmm, frankly if I think about it too much I don't want to leave my house for fear of being hit by a plane falling out of the sky (randomly and all) so can we talk about something else please?

I rationalize it all by thinking to myself that random accidents happen to everyone. Losing a child certainly isn't that uncommon and the divorce rate for couples who have been through losing a child is practically off the charts. Granted.... our divorce is most likely not directly related but this is how I rationalize.

I am not quite sure where he was headed - maybe somewhere good - but all I keep thinking today is that his line of questioning would have worked really well for an anxiety medication salesman.

And yes, Mr. Counselor, I do get the foreshadowing and irony involved to my finger being lost due to my wedding rings. Thank you for pointing that out.

30 comments:

more cows than people said...

eh... any other options for therapists???

will smama said...

Yes. The same woman who helped me get through Baby Snowpea.

Jane Ellen+ said...

Yes... I think I'd think about giving her a call. Mr. C may be dandy, but he does not sound like the help you need right now.

Songbird said...

I hope you will be able to connect with the other therapist.
]*

St. Casserole said...

I'm not impressed with your current therapist. I don't think he is smart enough for you.

Besides, in his picture, he wears purple pants. Yuk.

Arm Hit thing here.

Questing Parson said...

This is therapy?

Towanda said...

Mr. C is a dumbass. Get thee to someone else.

*[

AKMA said...

Granted that you're not a hugger, I'm stuck trying to figure out how to convey respectful, affectionate, faithful support to you -- but that's what I'd want to do.

I hesitate to pass judgment on other people's counseling capacities, but it sounds as though another counselor would be a more promising resource for you.

Plus, you're surrounded by a great cloud of appreciative friends.

God_Guurrlll said...

Counselors are real hit and miss. I would find another counselor who you can connect with. I am wondering if a female counselor might be a better fit for you.

Songbird said...

The more I think about this, the more furious I become at the idea of referring to the loss of your finger as foreshadowing and irony. Because even this old English major knows that's not an appropriate or nice way to talk about it with a person in crisis.

RevHRod said...

He's a dufus. And the real danger of having a dufus for a therapist is that you can derail them so that they never get to the important work. (Yes, I speak from experience.) You want someone who will listen more carefully and ask more pertinent questions. I hope the other option is viable.

Rev Scott said...

Yeah - what Songbird said. That is SO NOT COOL.

I don't know exactly what you mean by "pushing emotionally," but it sounds to me like Mr. C is just pushing your emotional buttons, which isn't the same thing at all.

Does your tattoo artist have a shingle out for counseling? :-)

Kathryn said...

Crikey! Please say you can change therapist....sounds utterly disasterous to me.....So sorry you were subjected to that, under the guise of "help".

cheesehead said...

This counselor shall henceforth be known as The Tool. Please refer to him as such from this point on.

I'd lend you my Siggy if I could...

Identity Mixed said...

Yea, speaking as a counselor.... The Tool is not one. Get a new one.

reverendmother said...

What everyone else said.

will smama said...

Wow. I feel like I just called in my posse. Cool.

One of the things I do really well is present an 'everything is okay' facade. I am not sure he bought it and was trying this to get me angry or what but instead it just made me put up a bigger wall.

The other counselor who I hope I can afford (pcusa mental health benefits are great until you have to use them) called me on my bs right away. That is what I need.

Of course, I also need the time because meeting with a counselor like that is mentally draining and requires an available amount of time to process and sleep afterwards.

will smama said...

Thanks!

Teri said...

so I'm a little slow getting over here, but what everyone else said. The Tool is no good. You have to say this like the guys who taunt in Mario Golf (remember that seriously old game?)--noooo good!

and I feel you on the mental health benefits. I really wish my therapist was in network, but no. I didn't like any of the ones who were. sad day.

Mark Smith said...

I agree - time for a new therapist.

I have a pilot's license. If you give me an address and a few thousand dollars (for the rental fee), I could make that plane crash a bit less random. You see there was this scene in the World According to Garp ....

Wyldth1ng said...

You may have received plenty of advice, but has any said they appreciate you?

Thank you for doing what you do.

Michele R said...

What Songbird said is exactly right. It's not like this guy is getting bonus points for pointing out foreshadowing. That really is crass, and you should tell him so.

Remember: Breathe...

Drew said...

So I saw the movie Idiocracy (highly recommended for the person who can tolerate a lot of innuendo and potty language). The top lawyer got his law degree from Costco after his dad pulled some strings. So do they offer counseling psych degrees too?

Mary Beth said...

Yeah, what a loser. Let's find you a WINNER. (different from a WIENER!)

will smama said...

Thank you Wyldth1ng - thank YOU for what you are doing.

Okay, I am now in the weird place of defending a bit. I think ever since TDH dropped his bomb in this counselor's office he has been taken aback about how to handle us/me. I am not an easy counselee and the man has been made into part of the whole thing as he witnessed the mugging (so to speak).

He is a good counselor, just not a good match for me.

RevHRod said...

But we all care about you and want to make it HIS fault. ;-) And I do hope you find a better match.

Sue said...

The Tool has to go. You are too smart for him.

]*

The Vicar of Hogsmeade said...

but good doesn't equal rapport

the foreshadowing is flakey

but the emotional content I heard in that line up has a whole lot to do with loss and probably grief. Those of us who are hard cases usually don't want to do the grief work which means we stack grief on grief. That usually leads to fooling ourselves into thinking that we are "done" with the grief work when we've only worked through some of the layers not all of them. Not that I have any personal experience with that or anything

Magdalene6127 said...

ugh. what a horse's ass.

You've got plenty of advice from others. I would just add: trust your instincts about what you need.

Prayers continue.

Lorna said...

find a new one. this one doesn't sound much help for you right now.