Thursday, September 13, 2007

What I've Learned

That when someone says they had no idea this was coming, no matter how much we might think they must have know something, the truth is they very likely had no idea this was coming.

Friends who take you to stupid, juvenile movies on your wedding anniversary are smart friends.

Laughter in the dark sounds foreign and feels good.

Sometimes 'survival mode' is ok. Case in point...
will smama on the phone to listing straight on the day all the truth came out:
WS: I'm about to restart the dvd for The Boy, THAT's some great parenting.
LS: I'm pretty sure when you look back on this day the number of videos The Boy watched is not going to be the first thing you think of.

It takes two to be in a relationship and only one to wreck it.

No more sensitive, quiet types.

No more church workers.

You REALLY learn who your friends are in situations like this. Because of the publicity/embarassment factor even folks who stuck with us through other trying times disappeared. One couple even left the church. Supposedly it was not related but if you were really my friend wouldn't you suck it up just for a month more so that the timing didn't look so bad.

You don't have to have ever met someone for them to be a real friend.

Two emotionally needy people should not have children. Please Lord, let them not have children.

If they do, and it's a girl, it is really going to hurt.

Toddlers are resilient.

At some point 'surreal' just isn't the right word any more. 'Alternate F'ing Universe' works but is a bit long and bulky to put across the front of a t-shirt.

Although I have always respected single moms, I will admit that when I heard someone was separating or divorcing and there were small children in the house I would think to myself, "C'mon, can't they do better than that?" I have now painfully learned that sometimes the answer is no, they can't.

Sometimes it is ok to not talk about it any more.


cheesehead said...

Sometimes it is.

If it's not, though...

Songbird said...

Yep, you know who the listeners are.

Rev Scott said...

A friend's therapist said something profound that I've remembered lately:

"You know, it's okay to listen politely, nod your head and say you understand...and then walk away thinking, 'Fuck you.'"

Not that you'd need permission or anything - I'm just saying...

Kathryn said...

)* and words to that effect.

Lorna (see through faith) said...

LS got it right :)

hugs xx

revrosa said...

I have a good friend who has a commute that regularly takes her by the huge Fireworks place outside of Chattanooga on I-65. You may not know what I'm talking about but it is a Southern legend. She has promised me that when the time is right, she will do the shopping for the Old Year. I might take the road trip with her to make sure the biggest, loudest, in your face, firecrackers are procured...]* 'nough said.

St. Casserole said...

Thinking of you. Wish you lived closer. Thinking about how much I value you.

Cathy said...

Sometimes it is ok to not talk about it any more.


Then again - you can talk about it whenever YOU want to.

I learned alot too, as you did, when MY BIG MESS happened.

Listing Straight said...

You. Are. Amazing.
Not perfect. Amazing.
You have handled this mess with grace, love for The Boy, and honesty.

That takes real courage.

Rainbow Pastor said...

LS has it right. I am amazed by and admiring of your grace in this situation.

That said, you don't have to be perfect. You do have to be you.

Do what you need to--talk, don't talk, scream, laugh, talk about the the weather, whatever. We'll listen.


zorra said...


ymp said...

there may not be any great consoling words i can offer other than: you are in my prayers. And you are.

Sue said...


ppb said...

I am thinking, though, that AFU would make a very good t-shirt logo.


St. Inuksuk said...

((O)) and many prayers are with you.

RevHRod said...

In the days of my own Mess my sister took me to see Blue Man Group followed by breakfast food in the middle of the night. I think it was more therapeutic than several sessions with a professional. I am so glad your friends took you to the movies. And I pray that more chances for laughter are right around the corner. When things are so sucky, it helps to have something funny to laugh at.

Michele R said...

I don't know you and you don't know me. I read your blog almost every day, and occasionally de-lurk to comment.

That said, I am more sorry for you that you can know; but from what I've read here it sounds like you have the strength (and the friends, in abundance) to get through to the other side of this.

Keep on rowing!

DogBlogger said...


Towanda said...

I was gonna say what PPB said...

prayers continue.

Silent said...

Today I decided that it is time to 'delurk' to say that I've been praying for you.

I haven't given you a chance to know me by not commenting before, but I feel like I am starting to know you and my heart aches for you.

I'll probably go back to lurking and not commenting--but I promise I'll keep praying.

more cows than people said...


you speak the truth so well.

speak whenever you're moved.

we're listening.

we're praying even when there's silence.

juniper68 said...


will smama said...


I remember you from when I introduced your blog to the revgals. Thank you for your comment and your prayers.

Thanks to all of you.

Mark Smith said...

Hang in there. You're getting through, and doing an excellent job.

On behalf of quiet, sensitive types everywhere, we hope that you might reconsider that particular decision. But being sensitive we completely understand if you don't.

Keep rowing.

JWD said...


Jiff said...

I'm with Silent.
I lurk and read your blog (pre-, during and post-mess) thinking, "What a cool, honest person, with great, great friends."

You rock. And you're daily in my prayers.

mamaS said...