So the posts have been fairly benign lately... or at least not about the thing that we have come to call The Mess. It hurt me not to reach out to my internet support group but my mom and sister read this blog and The Big Family Event that just took place was in fact my sister's wedding and she and my Mom had every right to enjoy that moment as much as I had just a bit over 11 years ago.
Although no one in my family is stupid and my parents especially knew things were not good it is one thing to have a hunch and another to know it conclusively especially when surrounded by inquiring family and friends.
The truth is that TDH is going to be TD-eX.
There is yet another woman. It goes something like this: He cannot handle the stress and conflict of life in a mature relationship and so when TOW gives him an invitation he follows up on it enjoying the excitement and the ease of it and then as TOW begins to put up red lights and proclaims the importance of her marriage he is once again facing stress and conflict and calls a friend that he knows from hot, southern state where we both worked and she too gives him an invitation which he follows up on rather than face the stress and conflict with TOW or - God forbid - his wife.
We're done so that he can pursue a relationship with someone else. A someone else who sang with the choir at our wedding.
It is actually even worse than I have described and at times over the last two weeks things have been excruciating. The congregation has been fully informed via another letter that includes the information about the first emotional affair although no name was revealed. However, at this point everyone knows as THAT family sent out a letter of their own which on the surface was asking for forgiveness but in reality was stating that they would come back to church here but cannot because it is better for me if they are not here. Nice.
A meeting was held while I was away in which all of our Board and our EP were there to answer any questions and assure everyone that I had and have done nothing wrong. The support there was 99.9%.
tdx's intention is to stay in the area so that he can be an active co-parent although I did tell him that he was more than welcome to move to hot, southern state where SHE is.
One of my friends asked me what I would do if he came to me totally repentant and finally seeming to be in his right mind, begging me to put the pieces of our marriage together. I said, "I'll cross that charred bridge when I get to it." However, during my time away I realized that one of the reasons that I cannot even begin trying to get my heart to recognize what my mind already understands is because he has put the burden on me to officially end things in a variety of ways. My marriage vows were so sacred to me that I could not break them even when he had broken them first. And so yesterday after The Boy was safely in his nap I made tdx look me in the eye and tell me. "It's over."
He did and it is.
I have learned a lot through this already and there is plenty more to come, I am sure. This is for a post yet to come. For now I wanted to let me friends know where things stand so that your prayers can be even more specific than they have been already.