Monday, August 20, 2007

Good Advice Not Taken

Late Saturday night I was informed via email that TOW, etc... are "going to take a break" from our church. Finally! So I was ready to feel happy to be back at church and in the pulpit again but it really didn't happen. The burden is still great.

And now the rumors have started. Actually, I think they are more guesses as to why TDH would have left our home over depression. Still, one involves me having an affair and so enough is enough. I am tired of protecting everyone else at the cost of my own mental and emotional health.

The advice many of you gave me was to get it all out there - it is better to rip off a band-aid quickly. Because of other people's involvement I could not do that, but now it is time to pull the rest of the thing off.

We are still discussing what the best way to do that is - letter? meetings? one big meeting after church? I do know that I am going to let my elders handle it. The two I spoke with yesterday said they in no way, shape or form wanted me to have to stand up in front of everyone again especially to explain something that I had no part in creating.

Either way, this sucks. I realize life is not fair, but I sure did not need another lesson in: "Even When You do Everything Right, Things Can Still Go Wrong."

Sometimes I actually say it out loud, "Keep rowing."
And for now, I am.

34 comments:

more cows than people said...

blessings as you figure this out. it SUCKS so royally. going through this in the first place and then dealing with gossip in your community too. but... yes, so predictable.

(((ws)))

I keep thinking of you with love.

Althea N. Agape said...

I have been in situations where there was gossip and rumors. It's hard not to defend yourself. It's hard not to react out of anger/ indignation/ hurt. Let your elders and God take your back. Take the high road. Good for your trust muscles, good for everyone in the long run. As your honor reflects on His, God will protect you; and it sounds like you've got a pretty good group of Elders as well.

You remain in our prayers.

cheesehead said...

I'm so glad your elders are acting like leaders. Thank you Jesus!

And I hope that "break" from your church lasts a good long time.

Let us help you row, 'kay?

]*

Songbird said...

Thank goodness they will step up and be supportive. It angers me to think of people inventing stories that make you the guilty party, when you have been nothing but injured and noble.
Please give us the oar whenever we can help row.

Lorna said...

God is your defence but thankful that the elders etc will stand up for you.

Be loving and be good to yourself.

Identity Mixed said...

Thinking of you. Remember, we have a guest room for cases when you just need to escape.

revrosa said...

Ditto on what everyone else has said. Plus that "Old Year" we blow up when the time comes is going to have to be full of an awful lot of fireworks.

Don't have vineyards in SoFla but do have great tatoo parlors and the beach. Lots of beach, to come ashore and rest awhile from the rowing...

Purechristianithink said...

An affair? You? And I thought we could trust Donny Osmond to keep his big mouth shut . . .

ppb said...

Here's my advice: take it, I'm not using it (I am using your own words against you.)

Call your EP. Call your elders. Get teh EP and the elders in one room to solve this problem while you go get a tattoo. Don't moderate that meeting. Get a tattoo instead.

will smama said...

pcit - lol. thanks.
And the offers of respite are so appreciated. If I didn't have child logistics to consider I think I would have disappeared weeks ago.

As for rowing for me - go ahead. Take it.
See... it types good, but only I can row through this.
I do appreciate the life jackets though.

will smama said...

"Take my advice... I'm not using it." - one of my favorite quotes of all time.

Thanks ppb, you are right. EP is involved and except for helping to formulate the letter, I will not be involved. In fact, a lot will most likely happen while I am away the first week of September at a family event.

Teri said...

blech blech blech. That's all I have to say about this.
Thank God for good elders.
praying...sending warm fuzzies...wrapping my own special prayer shawl around you (virtually, anyway. It's helped me through lots of blech moments.)

DogBlogger said...

*big sigh* with a prayer too deep for words -- at least, too deep for words that can be uttered in polite company...

Quotidian Grace said...

I'm so glad you have such wise elders to take leadership here. Blessings on them and on you.

HeyJules said...

What QG said...

mompriest said...

just caring for you, even though I do not know you...I have a card that says, "When you're going through hell, keep going."

Katherine said...

I'm still floored that woman had the gall to step back into your church at all, let alone for weeks after the revelation.

I don't have any advice, just awe and admiration that you're handling this as well as you are.

Kathryn said...

Everyone has said it better...so I'll just shut up and keep on praying for you (and thanking God for elders worth their salt) xxx

Serena said...

What Kathryn said.

zorra said...

What PPB said. And I'm so glad that you have an EP and elders who actually are capable of stepping up to bat and doing this.

juniper68 said...

ditto all above. and more hugs and prayers.

St. Casserole said...

geez louise!

thinking of you. ready to row when the oar comes my way.

Susie/Nueva Cantora said...

Thanks be to God for wise elders and life jackets and any other good thing that is finding its way to you in this mess. Yeeesh.

Shawna Renee said...

I'm glad you have elders who are standing by you and like susie said being life jackets. Blessings and prayers as you get all of this worked out.

Rainbow Pastor said...

Praise be to God for your elders! ANd your EP, what/who-ever that is, but s/he is helping you, so they're good in my book.

You're right, WS, that only you can do the rowing...but we can give those shoulder massages you're sure to need, and maybe get you something to drink?

Blessings and prayers for you and The Boy and everyone...

(((WS)))

Sue said...

What everyone else has said more eloqently than I can...

]*

Anonymous said...

I know I've only been a lurker here, but I want you to know I've been praying for you. A couple of years ago, my husband of 9 years (and many illnesses) came out. After taking some weeks to start to grieve and come to terms, I decided to let my congregation know. After seeking counsel from my conference minister, I chose to tell a few trusted church leaders in person. Then I got in touch with a colleague who is both an ordained minister and a licensed therapist. I wrote a very careful letter to the congregation and arranged for my colleague to be with us on the Sunday after the letter went out. In the letter, I told the church the reason for the ending of my marriage, let them know that much prayer and counsel had gone into the process. I also told them that the conference minister, my colleague, and church leaders would be there for them (thereby implying that I would not be able to help them deal with their feelings about my life crisis). On the Sunday after the congregation received the letter, my minister/therapist colleague was with us. After worship was over, I left (and went far, far away), and she stayed to lead a group discussion for anyone needing it. About 15 people attended. All in all, the whole process went pretty well. There were a few stupid comments, but not nearly as many as I had expected. Things went much smoother than I had thought they would and the church was more supportive than I could have dreamed. Actually, I think my ministry has deepened, because I've stopped keeping secrets and taking responsibility for things that are not my fault. I don't know if any of this is helpful to you, so if it's not, please forget it right away. But know that you're in my prayers...

will smama said...

Anonymous - thank you.
Thank you for your courage in sharing your story and for your obvious courage in continuing to walk in faith when life gave you a tremendous blow.
I really appreciate your insights and will absolutely follow up on the strategy you used.

What a gift when those put in place to help us, actually do.

Peace, friend.

Mrs. M said...

Well, we're all here to stick our oars in with you. (Though if I remember correctly, that particular idiom isn't necessarily a good thing.)

Magdalene6127 said...

I add my prayers to the rest, as well as my gratitude for Elders and EP's stepping up.

(((WS)))

Mags

Towanda said...

deep prayers for you continue, WS.

Keep rowing.

(in my house, we sing the song from finding nemo...just keep swimming, just keep swimming...)

esperanza said...

Yes, what everyone else has said. Prayers continue...

Diane said...

I know this may not help, but I have Bad Feelings about TOW... and I am praying for you.

will smama said...

Diane, you were close.