Saturday, June 17, 2006

Saturday Diary

6:00 AM - Up pre-baby alarm. I have two weddings today. The first one is in the morning in our un-airconditioned Sanctuary so while it is still cool out I cross the parking lot and open up the building. This includes opening the windows of the Sanctuary and putting in the old, falling apart screens, turn on the fans, notice that the pulpit flowers have not been replaced and wonder if the flower place will come right in the middle of the morning wedding. Must keep my eye on that situation... make a mental note.

7:00 AM - Bring down The Boy and feed him breakfast. Ants all over one of our living room window sills. Remind myself that I am in the north therefore these will not eat through my flesh with their acidic bite (rm, st. casserole - I think you hear me!)
Rummage through sink cabinet find two ant traps, email Mom quickly to ask her to bring more. Clean up what I can - makeshift barrier to keep The Boy away from new mini-toys/snacks - not sure which he would choose.

8:00 AM - Work on sermon while The Boy plays. Ignore him as he places book on my lap and sqwuaks when it falls on floor; finally cave when he throws said book at my face and waves and says, "bah-bye". Glad to know the Jewish Guilt gene came through just fine from his great grandmother.

10:00 AM - Rehearsal time for the first wedding which is supposed to take place at 11. I am doing this wedding because it is what Jesus would do. Their six month old baby is already here. Truth be told they would rather be at the Justice of the Peace but NOW their parents intervene (where those parents were while they were making said 6 month old I couldn't tell you). They know I have another wedding in The City at 3. I have just been informed they are running late. grrrrrrrr.

10:40 AM - grrrrrrrrrrrr

10:55 AM - I stop the organist from going into the Sanctuary because the bride is not dressed yet and still has someone working on her hair. Good thing too because he is good but improvising for 30 minutes isn't good for anybody.

11:15 AM - Still awaiting bride, flower girl and one bridesmaid to emerge from the bathroom I ask a group of twenties to please move their smoking to the parking lot and away from the vestibule where all smoke is drifting into the Sanctuary.

11:25 AM - Direct quote from me (dressed in robe) to man/boy that I had already asked to move his smoking to the parking lot and he had given me a look and was now standing in threshold of Sanctuary doorway smoking. That's right, he was technically outside but in the doorway:
WHOA! Are you KIDDING me? You're smoking right in the doorway of the church?! REALLY?
He puts his arms out shrugging his shoulders and flinches at me as if he is trying to run me off. Nice try. I actually stepped towards him and then one of the groomsmen got in the middle of us and says, "She's right dude. Show some respect." and pushes him towards the parking lot.

I swear to you I would have thrown down right there - robe and all - I was just. that. pissed. And yes, that is also what Jesus would do.

11:35AM - Wedding ceremony (the flower people do not come in the middle of it or they read my note).

12:25 PM - All are gone. All evidence of them is gone. Church is straightened out.
There is lunch to eat, little boys to play with and lecture to about smoking and surliness (not to mention being willing to "throw down" when you are 36 and robed to officiate a wedding because you are clergy. When does that lecture come? My What to Expect from your Toddler book doesn't say.)

ETD for the next wedding is 2pm. Stay tuned...

10:25 PM Update - Just returned home from wedding #2 and seeing
A Praire Home Companion. The wedding was uneventful. It was an interfaith wedding with the main challenge being my rusty pronunciation of Hebrew. The setting was beautiful and the reception was fun.

So why the movie you ask? Because TDH doesn't dance so what is the sense of sitting around staring at your now empty water glass and your cake crumbs with a group of strangers who occasionally look at you and wonder why the pastor is still there. So instead of ending up the evening in a fight with both of us feeling like we are back at the 6th grade dance (me because the boy I like didn't ask me to dance and him because he didn't get the nerve up to ask the girl he likes to dance... or me - ha, ha). So this time we stayed until after cake which is the etiquette appropriate time to leave a wedding and we went to see the movie.

It was a lot of fun. We hardly ever go to the movies. The last one we saw in the theater was Madagascar. The one before that was Elf. So this was a fun treat and the theater was pretty full which adds to the atmosphere (as long as it is full with adults who don't talk and have their cell phones on vibrate - they didn't and they did).

So now we are home and I have a sermon to print out and a bed to get into.

Have a blessed Sunday.


Songbird said...

Man, I would have been mad, too.
Remind me not to smoke in your doorway...

the reverend mommy said...

ANTS! Run away!!

Wait, you're not in GA. Good thing.

I think we need a "What to expect from your RevGal, Year One" book. Then year two and year three....

SingingOwl said...

Wow! I had one of started ONE HOUR late. Thank God, I did not have a second one to anticipate. (((((((WM)))))))))

Purechristianithink said...

One Senior Pastor I worked with had a policy that if the wedding party was not ready to begin the ceremony w/in twenty minutes of the agreed upon start time, he would go home. Dire emergencies were the only exceptions. Aunts stuck in traffic,no. Forgotten bit of bridal froofery to be retrieved from home, no. Limo driver wrote down the time wrong? Too bad. I thought this was just awful---until I waited in the July heat for a whole hour while we waited for first one, then another IMPORTANT GUEST to arrive. (This was in the days before cell phones, so we had no idea where they were or what had happened.) If it's just me, that's one thing. But it's also the organist, the custodian, and all the guests who arrived on time who suffer as well. Now I have an almost but not quite as strict policy myself.

reverendmother said...

Wow! LOL! You go girl!

Mary Beth said...

You rock! You tell 'em! We don't have moneychangers in our temples anymore (not as such, not as far as I know) but I agree that Jesus would be righteously pissed about the smoking.

Rev Dave said...

Ugh. Weddings. I'm about to do my first in this church (I've done a couple outside the congregation) and the first here in five years or so. How do you tell the couple politely, "no, that's not appropriate" for something that obviously been part of their mental picture of their wedding for a long time?
I'm about ready to play the "Because I'm the pastor, and I will not do that" card. Oh, and did I mention two of the relatives are on session?


RuthRE said...

I had a little movie play in my head of you in the doorway...opening a can of whoopass in full's an amusing cartoon I must say :)

Sue said...

Smoking? In the church? I would like to have grabbed his grubby little ear and dragged him on out to that parking lot. I would have been some pissed. Where's the respect??

You rock.

Questing Parson said...

What's you point? Seeing as how you didn't kick his ass, it appears to be a fairly normal pastoral day.

will smama said...

QP - lol

PCIT - I hear you about some wedding boundaries and in a larger church where I will be doing more of them I will be more strict. But I'll bet these will be the only two I have this year.

The Bride had enough bs going on - her life has been and will be a hard one (some self-inflicted, some not) so I didn't feel like she needed the pastor being a hard ass too. I would not have waited for an elusive guest, but I decided we could wait for her.

jo(e) said...

I laughed aloud at the line "And yes, that is also what Jesus would do."

You are so right.

Lorna said...

love your blog. wanted you to know that :)

St. Inuksuk said...

Weddings...ughhh, give me a funeral any day over a wedding! Worse than the smoking is finding alcohol bottles in the women's restroom and bride changing area.
What a way to start married life if you have to have a drink!
Good that your day was redeemed with something enjoyable!