Tuesday, May 23, 2006

It's Gonna Be a Doozy

We are now into the week of Memorial Day Sunday. I have posted on it here, here and here with my final thoughts on the whole thing soon to come. Until I get those final thoughts organized I thought you would appreciate one more snippet of Memorial Day Sunday sponsored entertainment.

The scene is the narthex of the church which I have just entered at 10:31 this past Sunday morning. Worship starts at 10:30. It is Youth Sunday and the guitarist is fixing a string causing a delay. I have just finished being on the panel for our adult Sunday School class on the topic of tithing which actually became an attack on paying dues to the denomination, then ran home at 10:29 to retrieve my guitar so that it may sacrifice a string and as I stepped into the narthex I was verbally attacked by someone frustrated with the greeter situation (seriously, how hard is it to grab a replacement greeter when there has been a mix up. By the time this guy was berating me two people had already volunteered and were handing out bulletins). I am still reeling from that altercation when I turn and get involved in this conversation with a woman in my congregation who always talks as if I know what the heck she is talking about. It usually takes me about five minutes into the conversation to know where she is headed.

I will call her Random Thought Woman (RTW) and I will be Pastor Will Smama(PWS) - clever, I know

RTW: Pastor ---, next week you can save those flowers just put them in a bag.
PWS: (pause...................................................) What?
RTW: Those flowers can be saved for 4th of July or something. Do you gotta bag?
PWS: (looking at living flowers in the front wondering why anyone would think they would live to 4th of July in a bag) Those flowers up there?
RTW: No! (she waves her hand at me like I am just teasing her) I am bringing flowers next week and I want you to save them.
PWS: Oh, you signed up for the altar flowers next week.
RTW: No, I bought a nice arrangment of plastic flowers for next week and I just want to make sure they don't get thrown out. They are expensive.
PWS: (Densely, I am still not making the Memorial Day connection. I am also quite sure that although God bless her they might have been expensive for her, they are most likely cheap and horrific) Okay... we won't throw them out. You want them saved... so we'll put them in a plastic bag and save them for... Why do you want them saved for Fourth of July?
RTW: 'Cause they're red, white and blue.
PWS: oh.... You know, we will already have altar flowers.
RTW: Well, that don't mind (that's where I live slang for 'it doesn't matter') I think they should go front and center anyway- like on the Communion Table.
PWS: (pause...................................................) No, they cannot go there... but we'll figure out something.
RTW: Right, just be sure you save them so you have them from now on.

Do I have to write a thank you note?


Purechristianithink said...

Hmmm. In a similar situation I put the plastic flower arrangement, (complete with tiny American flag)on the table in the narthex. "So everyone can see it right when they come in," (and not see it while we're worshipping GOD, for crying out loud)

Songbird said...

Man. I am planning to bring lilacs from my backyard on Sunday. That's my plan. Please, please don't let anyone else think much about this. Please.

Gord said...

TIme for Session policy about church flowers??? BUt I like PCIT's solution.

Anonymous said...

Seriously. How is your PIF?

SingingOwl said...

That's my solution too. Put 'em in the narthex.

And I'm amazed. This very same woman attends my church! How is that possible? LOL

Parishioner: Pastor, Jill will be coming next week and of course we have to deal with her husband's illness, so I don't know what will be happening. Perhaps I should talk to the team leader?

Me: Uh....who is Jill? Her husband's illness? Do I know them? Happening with what? What team?

Quotidian Grace said...

There are clones of RTW everywhere--at least 3 are in my church. It always makes me ask myself if I am going deaf or daft when I don't get understand them right off.

As for the plastic red, white and blue flowers--post a picture!!!!

mary beth said...


cheesehead said...

Oh. My. Sweet. Lord. Jesus.

Sally said...

Sounds lovely... must get someone to bring plastic flowers... please take photos... and remember to save them for next year!

apstraight said...

Oh yes. Pictures. You must.

will smama said...

I will take a picture.

pcit, great idea. I will see if I can manage this. Our narthex area is very small.

Gord, I hear you on the policy thing but the Gen X'er in me balks in making more rules. If we had strict rules then we wouldn't have had these amazing flower arrangments in the Sanctuary last week in addition to the always ordered altar flowers.

will smama said...

singing owl, that is hilarious!

the reverend mommy said...

So, will they have to be dusted before you use them again?
(I always wonder this about artifical flowers and artificial christmas trees.)

Rhiannon said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lorna said...


Catherine + said...

Uh huh...yeah.