Thursday, March 02, 2006

Someone Named Joe

A Solo Pastor's Lament

My printer is down, the copier is broke;
The maintenance ‘to do’ list is enough to choke.
Heavy is my angst, great is my woe;
Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone named Joe?

I have a dream, a vision we call it;
Someone to fix, maintain or install it.
Someone to work here, Joe is the name;
And being here and fixin’ things is the game.

The alarm in the Sanctuary won’t stop beeping;
I must now go down to where the mice are creeping.
Ugh, there is ‘good’ news instead,
Not one is creeping but two are there dead.

I have a dream, a vision we call it;
Someone to fix, maintain or install it.
Someone to work here, Joe is the name;
And being here and fixin’ things is the game.

There is water leaking on the ground;
Try again your server cannot be found.
What? No water in the well?
Oh my good Lord, what is that weird smell?

I have a dream, a vision we call it;
Someone to fix, maintain or install it.
Someone to work here, Joe is the name;
And being here and fixin’ things is the game.

Big fundraiser here tomorrow;
No hot water is my sorrow.
At least I thought that was our downfall;
Until I was told there is no water at all.

I have a dream, a vision we call it;
Someone to fix, maintain or install it.
Someone to work here, Joe is the name;
And being here and fixin’ things is the game.

It is too much I admit I am beat;
Experts come in and I eagerly greet.
“Who is in charge here? We need to know”;
I said, “Hello, my name is Jo.”

I have a dream, a vision we call it;
Someone to fix, maintain or install it.
Someone to work here, Jo is her name;
And being here and fixin’ things is her game.

A pink tool belt...
I can't figure out if I am offended or not.


will smama said...

Unfortunately I am supposed to preach too.

apstraight said...

My husband and I are very aware that we each need a wife. (You know, to cook, clean, write notes, make phone calls). Now I know that we need husbands too.

Good luck. As for preaching, we have communion and a huge minute for mission about a trip to Mississippi one among us took, so I only need to write a page or two. Now will I go ahead and get that done this afternoon? I'll let you guess..

Thank you-

Songbird said...

I feel your pain, Jo. The lights in the stairway to my office are out; I had to install the new printer myself; the porches leading to the office and nursery school need to be replaced; etc.

Quotidian Grace said...

They just don't teach Real Life 101 in seminary, do they?

Gord said...

WHy does this sound strangely familiar (the radiator in my office at the church appears to be dead so I got to sit in a cold office trying to type and think with numb fingers)

will smama said...

Songbird - Ugh, I hear you on the lights (and I just installed a 'new' printer yesterday - that still doesn't work). The lights are the bane of my existence. They NEVER all work at the same time.

QG - I think that EVERY time I set up tables for a meeting.

Gord - I played the freeze game back in January while we waited for a part.

It is stuff like this that makes me laugh when I hear that search committees from big churches tend to ask solo pastors what makes them think they can handle a big church's problems. "Um, well, for starters it is far easier to delegate when there is someone to delegate to!!!"

Lorna said...

(((will smama))))
and others.

it'll be summer soon and outdoor services, no deadmice and smoke signals (from the Barbeque) to tell the folk when it's time to arrive.

my office is freezing too and I work from home. go figure. I think it's time for ministry in cafes and pubs and other WARM places, that others maintain.

but I think the pink tool belt is kind of cute :)

Christine said...

Oh, I love the lament. What, you all didn't get "handyminister 101" in your seminary? Me neither. :-) It was like that too, a bit, when I started teaching high school. They never taught us how to manage the paperwork or how much of ourselves we'd have to put into the whole gig. Prayers for each of your ministries.

cheesehead said...

My worst solo pastor moment by far was the Sunday that an elder was walking out the door, leaving me the last one in the building, and she said, "Oh, there's some poop on the bathroom floor. Looks like one of the M twins missed the target. It's really disgusting. You might want to clean that up soon."

I. Kid. You. Not.

will smama said...

Cheesehead, I am stunned.

gavin richardson said...

i'm not a fan of the shade of pink for the belt. they could have gone a chocolate brown and then the dirt wouldn't show as much.

being at a large church, we have maintenence folks, but you have to specifically ask or tell what to do, like "see that stuff sitting in the corner, that's trash." but my office area is on a timer, so the heat/ac cuts off and i'm screwed. atleast it makes for an incentive to go home.

will smama said...

Yeah, Gavin... I don't see you getting a lot of sympathy on this one.

I did work at a church where the custodian was so obsessive compulsive that our Sr. Pastor had to ask him to STOP coming into our offices so often to empty our trash cans. If you accidently threw something out you had to go to the dumpster to retrieve it!

Lorna said...

it's so weird how God works. As I read last night the pic of the pink tool belt came back - and God used it. awesome

see-through faith said...

oh and cheesehead :(


Songbird said...

cheesehead, bleh. that is truly awful.

will smama, does Joe by any chance supply sermons? Because I could really use him right about now.

will smama said...

Funny you should ask, Songbird. I am actually in my office looking for Jo for that exact same reason.

Jo and I have both decided that not only will we not be preaching on the Transfiguration next year, we will also be skipping the Temptation as well.

see-through faith said...

blessed preaching!

an Apology. sorry I didn't link you in the Rev Gals comment

will smama said...

No apologies needed Lorna. In fact you did me a favor (and an honor). The honor is something spiritual out of a silly, little blog post. The original picture I had up was of Ty Pennington... not sure what you would have done with that?

The favor is that you gave me an excuse to comment about my post since it was not fresh enough to make it into the round-up, but I still wanted folks to check it out.

Be blessed!

St. Inuksuk said...

Love the lament!
When the church basement flooded from a burst pipe, there was not one man in the congregation to call and help - either too old to physically help or the right age and at work!!!
The custodian and I did as much as we could and then had to call Serv-pro since it was bigger than we could manage.
Ooo, Cheesehead, that's the worst :(
Rent a Mr. Fixit would be an answer to prayer!!!!!!

revabi said...

Oh boy do I remember those days at Wadley. It is so nice to have people who will fix things or will pay to have them fixed. Bob was Mr. Fix it at Wadley as well copy boy, bulletin printer, and folder.
But here you do have to let hem know what needs to be fixed, and they will fix it. We don't have a janitor, but that is in the works.

Oh and the poopee in the bathroom, I've cleaned that up as well as throw up. Yep when you are the lone Pastor, you do it all.

I think your poem would go well in on our next book of Pastor 101, what they don't teach you in seminary.

If you to Barbara K, she has tools for women, but they aren't pink. Tomboy Tools also has tools for women., and these aren't pink either.