Saturday, December 24, 2005

Silly Symbols

My Christmas Eve meditation needed a reference to humorous definitions of Christmas symbols. I searched the web but could find none so I made up a few. Go ahead and give them a read and then give me some silly definitions of your own.

Oh yeah, and if no one has told you yet, great job tonight. Your worship service was wonderful and meaningful!

CHRISTMAS TREE
Tradition begun in prehistoric times as man got tired of bringing in bits of wood to throw on the fire and finally just drug in the whole thing. It couldn’t just lay there on the floor so he propped it in the corner and in order to keep himself out of trouble he threw stuff on it so it would look more decorative.

CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTS

Designed by NASA to determine if anyone would be smart enough to figure out that it is just smarter to just skip them. So far, no one has. As soon as they do, this person will be recommended as the Head of NASA in perpetuity.

ADVENT WREATH
Exercise equipment for ministers in both body and mind as they constantly leap and turn to make sure the darn thing is still lit, but has not hit the evergreen part yet which by Christmas Eve is better known as kindling. It is exercise for the mind because they must come up with new answers every year for why one of the candles is pink.

TINSEL
Remnants from the documents shredded during the Elf ENRON scandal that were packaged and sold in order to pay off lawyer fees.
If you had a pet who ate tinsel then you have a story that no one wants to hear.

CANDY CANE
Item that well-meaning sales clerks give to very young children paying no mind to the fact that within seconds it will completely dissolve covering every item in the store with sugary, sticky drool with the only evidence that any of it was ingested at all being their hyper behavior throughout the rest of the day and well into the next.

MISTLETOE
Used by teenaged girls everywhere as props for their dreams as they determine how to get their secret crush and themselves under it at the same time. This activity usually ends in frustration for when the two are finally under the mistletoe together the teenage boy is merely looking for some soda and the teenage girl’s parents are watching.
As married adults the frustration continues as husband is still looking for some soda and even if he does see the mistletoe he will take it down and laugh and hold it over his backside.

What are your silly symbol definitions?

ps - Was it wrong of me to think in the middle of our worship service tonight, "Oh my God,
Jo(e) wrote that she liked my last post. How cool is that?!?!"

5 comments:

Songbird said...

I think of my blog at odd times, too. Hee!
Merry Christmas!

Listing Straight said...

I am printing this to steal & use for next year's Christmas Eve service. Thanks.

And no that is not wrong- I would have thought it three or four times, and probably weaved it into the sermon...

Preacher Mom said...

Love it!

And no I don't think it is wrong. It blows me away to think that anyone would bother to take the time to wade through my stuff, much less comment, much less in a positive light!

And by the way, Jo(e) is right!

Sue said...

These are hilarious!

Lorna said...

:)

blessings and love