Monday, December 19, 2005

Confessions of a Ribbon Addict

Dear Friends, Family and I guess that Stupid Dog,

It is with deep reflection and much staining of the carpet that I admit to all of you that I have a problem... I am a ribbon addict.

It has been very hard for me to admit I have a problem. I knew that occasionally I overindulged, but who doesn't when crinkly ribbon is involved... (especially with curls in it and being lightly blown by the heating vent... oops, er, I digress).

This year it has become increasingly apparant that the problem is far deeper than that. I have found myself chewing on flat ribbon, velvet ribbon and even those little bits of ribbon that come attached to other decorations - blech!

I have spent my nights looking for fresh ribbon-kill and then spend the early morning making a mess since it won't digest. My days are spent in a ribbon-induced stupor sleeping on any chair with a blanket and a heat source. I have fallen so far as to be caught kissing up to that Stupid Dog all in an attempt to score a bow or two.

I finally hit rock bottom when I ran to The Little One - he with the herky, jerky limbs and the dangerous tail-grabbing lunging - I ran to him because I thought they said, "Does he have some ribbon?" but really they said, "Does he have his bib on?"

Since that moment I have tried to make amends. I helped take the string of lights off the tree that weren't working and a limb of the tree that was blocking the view of the presents has been removed thanks to me.

Still. I need your help. Please do not bring this tempting product into the house. I cannot help myself.

With some Like and a bit of Disdain,

ps: Special props to St. Casserole's kitties who gave me the idea of (cat)posting.


mz said...

Dear Maude,

I just wanted to let you know how proud I am of you for recognizing that you have a problem. I know it is a cliche, but that really is the first step and you should be commended for your will and determination.

I must admit, I am glad that you have come to these conclusions before we could run an intervention. My mind had thoughts of the grandparents luring you in to the living room with a ribbon-like string and then all of us sitting down in a circle with a specialist while the family read to you our concerns and lists of things we love about you. The dog would have planned a special "sad-dog eyed" tribute to how much more fun you are when you aren't high on ribbons. I am so happy we won't have to worry about your scampering out of our intervention, meowing about how you didn't have a problem while ribbon flowed out of your mouth.

You have taken a big step in confiding with us that you are aware that you have a problem. To show my dedication to your progress, I plan on doing everything I can to eliminate any temptations; therefore, I will not include ribbon on any of the presents that I bring with me next week.

Congratulations, again, on taking that first, big step.

Respectfully yours,


Sue said...

Maude, this is an important step! Good for you for recognizing your problem.

Did you bring up the non-digestable ribbon on easily-cleaned flooring or on carpet? If you're like my cats, you likely searched for carpet on which to hurl.

Remember -- ribbon is not your friend.

Great pic by the way!

Emily said...

Will--the best part for me was that it took me awhile to realize that it wasn't you chewing the ribbon. The perils of speed-reading are many.

reverendmother said...

Maude is the best cat name EVER.

will smama said...

Why thank you, rm. I will not ruin that by telling you why she is named 'Maude'.

Ciona said...

Ooo . . . now I'm curious about the name . . .

Very nice photograph, Maude (in a frigtening potential cat electrocution kind of way)! :)

the reverend mommy said...

Yes, I'm glad Maude did not chew on the lights thinking they were somehow weird blinking ribbon.

HeyJules said...

Maude, I feel your pain! Addictions are a hard thing to break. I find it best just replace one with another so my advice is to give up that ribbon and start going after the trash cans!

Maude said...

ATTENTION: No kitties were hurt or in any danger during the Christmas Tree Lights on the Kitty stunt. I am a professional. Do not try that at home.

The Stupid Dog however is in a world of hurt after eating half a bag of bittersweet chocolate chips foolishly left on the counter.

How he reached those chips is between me, the Stupid Dog and Vegas.