Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Thoughts the Day Before Vacation...

Am I there yet?
Is my throat sore?
Why couldn’t they spread* tomorrow?
Do I have to go to Session meeting (governing board) tonight?
Is it wrong that I gave a number to reach me that I know I will not answer?
Fine, I’ll check the messages.
I think my brain is already at the beach… hello? Anything up there? I need you for just a few more hours.
How can an 8 month old have so much stuff?
How can a Golden Retriever have so much stuff?
When TDH gets frustrated with ‘all that needs to be done before we leave’ and casually mentions him not going – should I take him up on it?
Should I leave ‘The Boy’ with him?
TDH is right, I wouldn’t last 2 days without him… ‘The Boy’ I mean.
Fine, I’d miss TDH too… it would take 3 days though.
Is it wrong that I have no desire to contact my relatives in that direction and let them know we will be there?
I hope my Mom remembers the wine… and is willing to baby-sit.
Usually not bringing my computer is a good thing, but I will miss my revgalblogpals.
Should I bring it?
No, because then I will check church email.
Revgalblogpals will understand.
Oh how I wish this blog were the last thing on my 'to do' list…


*Spread: An evil necessity out here in the land of agriculture where farmers spread the ‘goo’ that has been sucked up from the floor of their barns and after it has fermented and given whole new meaning to the word ‘pungent’ they spread it on their fields. Right now at least three tractors pulling loads of this crap (literally) are going up and down our road spreading in a very near place… meaning tonight our lungs will be burning and breathing will be something we wish were optional. The stench actually seeps into the house and becomes embedded in your clothes and lungs.

My problem is that I take this activity personally. I think they choose their times to spread according to my schedule in order to best ‘stick it to me’.
EXHIBIT A) Our church holds an annual chicken bbq and in the last 4 years they have spread on that day. It is hard to sell appetizing food when the field next door is shimmering and boiling in the early September sun.
EXHIBIT B) Three years ago we had a gorgeous Christmas Eve with it beginning to snow just as the service let out. The next morning – Christmas Day – there was a foot of gorgeous snow on the ground. However, instead of Christmas cheer one #*$& farmer had spread Christmas Smear – it reeked!
EXHIBIT C) I am one day away from being surrounded by the smells of ocean salt and other seafaring smells (I don’t even mind the aroma of diesel when coming from a tugboat in the inlet). So today I simply ask: Could we not have waited to spread just one more day? Could it not have waited until my nose and lungs were safely tucked away in a beachfront apartment?

Please refrain from posting comments about the circle-of-life and the indirect correlation between said stench and the vegetables that are put on my plate. I have been called a city slicker (a laugher since everyone out here thinks everyone from NJ rode taxis to school and lived next to syringe-spewing factories and oil refineries. I lived in lovely suburbs, near horse stables and trees and gardens). I have been told it is the ‘smell of money’ – if so, please accept my commitment to poverty right now.

But when the natives are not looking, I have seen them gag themselves. I have seen them cover their noses and mouths and use words to each other like ‘ripe’ and ‘that damn {name left out}farm’. I KNOW it bothers them too…

2 comments:

Lorna said...

loved this

we have a golden retriever too. she's the evangelist in our family.

Great holiday - breath in the sea air - you need it :)

Sophia said...

Have a wonderful time! I think we are from more or less the same area...

I did not grow up on right off a tunpike exit. We picked peaches and strawberries and blueberries at local farms when I was a kid. I believe people when they say NJ has more horses per square mile than Kentucky.

I hate NJ jokes - no, the state bird is not the mosquito - it's the goldfinch.

:-)

Safe travels.